“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened”
– Anatole France
Finding peace after pet loss is a heavy topic, but one that needs to be taken seriously. For those who have been blessed to have the love and affection of an animal companion and gave it back in return will understand the heartache that comes with their loss.
Without even realizing it, our pets take over our lives. They become a part of our daily routines and what we look forward to coming home to at the end of a long day. Our pets show us unconditional love and accept us for who we are. Our pets are part of our families and losing them can be just as hard.
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Experiencing Grief After Losing a Pet
Two years ago today, we said goodbye to our dog, Miko. Long and I have experienced losing our pets from natural causes before, but this loss was different. It was our first time we had to make the decision ourselves.
After almost 12 years of our relationship built around her, I couldn’t imagine what our life would be like without her in it. I tried to prepare myself the month before and tried to process what was happening and accept the possibility of saying goodbye. It was the hardest decision we ever had to make and one that I still wasn’t ready for.
The grief came like a wave of emotions. I just couldn’t believe what just happened and I kept playing it back in my mind. “How did this happen?,” “If only we knew about the cancer sooner,” “If I had tried to force her to drink more water or eat her food, maybe she would’ve had the strength to keep going.”
Her loss was hard on us both and from time to time her memory will trigger a sad moment for us. Although we still are not ready to have another furry family member, we are finding peace after her loss.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to”
– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Finding peace after the death of an animal companion, doesn’t mean you have to forget them. Here are 20 pieces of advice to help you find peace after losing your pet.
20 Pieces of Advice for Finding Peace After Losing a Pet
- Allow yourself to go through the grieving process
If you’ve already been searching for ways to get through your grief, you may have already come upon the five stages of grief:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
As you experience grief, you could find yourself weaving in and out of the different stages. Not everyone experiences it the same way or even experiences all of them. Avoiding the process all together can negatively impact your mental health and well being.
What the grieving process provides is a way to work through and reflect on your emotions surrounding the loss so you can come to peace with it.
- Remind yourself that healing takes time and you are healing every day
Slow progress is still progress. Take each day one at a time and focus on how you are feeling as you go through grief.
- Stop beating yourself up over the loss or blame yourself for what happened
Guilt is an overwhelming feeling that can come from losing your pet and it is the second stage of grief, associated with anger. Guilt is the anger that we project onto ourselves and we take blame for what should have or could have been. Blaming yourself or those around you, will not bring back your companion or reverse the medical condition they were facing.
- Recognize that allowing your pet to leave this earth was the greatest expression of love you could give them in their moments of suffering
In our moments of guilt, we question if we made the right decision and if it was the right time. We wonder if there was something else we could’ve done and forget to realize that allowing our pets to leave us when they were suffering, was our final act of love. You let your pet have a death that was surrounded by love and let them leave with dignity.
- Understand that you will always wish for more time and that it will never be enough
This is a hard one to overcome. When it comes to saying goodbye, we will always want “just one more day.” That one day will never be enough for us and we will always want more days. Accepting when it is their time to go and coming to terms that no time will ever be the right time, will help you find peace after their loss.
- Never feel embarrassed or apologize for feeling sadness or grief in losing your pet
Experiencing the sadness and going through grief is a natural process and you don’t ever have to feel embarrassed or apologize for your feelings. Some people who have never owned a pet of their own or valued them the same way, may not understand the pain you are experiencing. Their lack of understanding, doesn’t mean you owe anyone an apology for your grief.
- If seeing their belongings brings you pain, store them away until you are ready to handle them
This is another difficult task after saying goodbye to your pet. The idea of putting away the things that were just used the day before is heartbreaking. But sometimes seeing their belongings without having them around, can be more painful. Storing them away until you are ready to sort through them can help you focus on working on one thing at a time. The most important part of this is to focus on yourself and overcoming this difficult time.
- Create a memorial for your pet such as a scrapbook, a memory box, picture frame, online gallery, or journal
Keeping mementos of your pet’s favorite toys, collar, or the clothes they wore is a way that can help you remember all of the memories you shared together. Honoring their memory is a way to express your love for them and make them feel close to you.
- Write your feelings out or write a letter or diary to your pet
Writing out your thoughts and feelings is a form of cathartic release that can alleviate your thoughts of denial, anger, and sadness that can lead to stress.
- Practice gratitude towards the pet you lost
Practicing gratitude towards your pet can help you remember the happy memories you had together. It can offer a form of closure when written as a pet eulogy by allowing you to let go of their loss and move on. Thanking them for everything that they have offered and done for you will enforce the appreciation of time you did have together, no matter how short it was.
- Reflect on the life lessons you learned from your pet
In part of practicing gratitude, reflecting on everything that you’ve learned from your pet is a reminder of the person that you have become or want to be because of them. List 10 things that you’ve learned from your pet.
- Read comforting quotes and poems on pet loss
Sometimes when we’re feeling sad and lonely from not having our pet by our side, it can be challenging to lift our spirits. Reading comforting quotes and poems on pet loss can help you find peace and overcome those moments.
“A good dog never dies. He always stays. He walks besides you on crisp autumn days when frost is on the fields and winter’s drawing near. His head is within our hand in his old way”
– Mary Carolyn Davies
- Treat yourself kindly
Healing is a process. Remember to treat yourself kindly by finding ways for self care while you grieve.
- Try new activities that you are interested in to fill the time in your routine
For the first few days, weeks, and months it will feel different to no longer have your pet by your side. Your day may be thrown off because our pet was such a big part of your daily routine and that void can make it hard to find peace in their death. Filling the time with an activity that brings you joy or a moment of self care, over time can help adjust to the change.
- It is okay to accept their loss and find peace
When we grieve, we can love our pets so much that we feel guilt if we “stopped missing them” or if we learned how to live without them. Remembering that it is okay to accept their loss and finding peace doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten them. They will always have a special place in your heart and your memories.
- Volunteer at an animal shelter
Giving your time to providing love, care, and attention to another animal can help you move on from your loss. This can be an activity you can do to fill time in your routine and give you an outlet where you can care for an animal that needs your attention.
- Join a pet loss support group
Talking to others who have experienced the same loss you have, can help you process your feelings of grief by sharing experiences and how to overcome difficult moments.
- Talk to a friend, family member, or professional
Talking to someone is another form of cathartic release and can provide validation and acceptance of your feelings. Talking to a friend, family member, or a professional is an outlet for your grief without fear of judgement. If anyone you talk to about your grief is not providing the support system you need, then find someone else to talk to or reach out to a professional.
- Spread their ashes in your favorite place together or plant them in a tree
Everyone has a different opinion on what to do with your pet’s remains after time has passed. Some may suggest spreading the ashes or plant them in a tree. If you don’t ever want to spread their ashes, you don’t have to. Do what you feel you need to do to move on from your loss and be at peace.
“Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart. If you have loved many dogs your heart is very big”
– Erica Jong
- When you’re ready, channel the love you had for your pet into another
Having another pet doesn’t mean that you are replacing the one that passed. As a pet-parent, you had a lot of love and care to give. There are so many pets out there in need of a home and when you are ready, they are ready to receive your love.
Conclusion
After the loss of our animal companions, it is natural to feel overwhelming sadness and sometimes losing a pet can feel worse than losing a human. For people who have never experienced having a pet in their life may find it hard to understand your pain.
I shared 20 pieces of advice that I hope will help you find peace after losing your pet. Mentally writing a letter to Miko was one of the first things I did that helped me accept what was happening. By no means are these the only ways, but I hope it can help you in your journey in finding peace to moving forward.
Remember that you don’t have to do this alone and your mental health and well being is important. Grief is not a timepiece. The process and how long it takes to heal will be different for everyone. You may never truly get over the loss of your pet and they are also never truly gone.
20 Pieces of Advice for Finding Peace After Losing a Pet
- Allow yourself to go through the grieving process
- Remind yourself that healing takes time and you are healing little by little every day
- Stop beating yourself up over the loss or blame yourself for what happened
- Recognize that allowing your pet to leave this earth was the greatest expression of love you could give them in their moments of suffering
- Understand that you will always wish for more time and that it will never be enough
- Never feel embarrassed or apologize for feeling sadness or grief for losing your pet
- If seeing their belongings brings you pain, store them away until you are ready to handle them
- Create a memorial for your pet such as a scrapbook, a memory box, picture frame, online gallery, or journal
- Write your feelings out or write a letter or diary to your pet
- Practice gratitude in what your pet did for you
- Reflect on the life lessons you learned from your pet
- Read comforting quotes and poems on pet loss
- Treat yourself kindly
- Try new activities that you are interested in to fill the time in your routine
- It is okay to accept their loss and find peace
- Volunteer at an animal shelter
- Join a pet loss support group
- Talk to a friend, family member, or professional
- Spread their ashes in your favorite place together or plant them in a tree
- When you’re ready, channel the love you had for your pet into another
Related Article: How to Have a Restful Night’s Sleep and Calm Your Overthinking Mind
If you have a friend or loved one who may find the advice helpful, please share it with a friend. Or if you have some other ways in finding peace after a loss, comment below.
Wishing you a Little Peace of Happiness in your grief,
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